Covenhoven

Photo from On the Grid

730 Classon Ave btw Prospect Pl and Park Pl, Crown Heights

By Nora Kaye, Guest Writer

The Place: A Brooklyn beer bar with a futuristic, cartoonish tilt. 

The Time: February 21st, a chilly Tuesday eve, barely 5pm. As a creative and someone with a good amount of remote work, there is a gorgeous witching-hour that occurs around 4:45 when you must depart the abode or you will go full “yellow wallpaper.” (Just me?) I’m also being a #superfansister and heading to my younger sis’s gig at Arlene’s Grocery later in the night, so I have time to kill and following my supernatural sensibilities I decide to join the coven…hoven.

The Vibe: This bar feels like three young dads moved to Brooklyn, got baked, and were listening to the Gorillaz when they dreamed up this beer bar. (If you’re unfamiliar with the Gorillaz, take a read, have a listen, welcome to the soundtrack of my middle school years.) Then, while still stoned, they commissioned their friend to do a gigantic mural, running along the right wall of this establishment. The artist must have said, “the concept is intergalactic bar” and the bar owners must’ve responded, “you had me at ‘concept’ my guy!” 

Common Wealth Triple Berry at Covenhoven

While on this low-light cosmic space odyssey, one can also craft a snowflake and add it to garlands of other homemade paper snowflakes hanging throughout the bar. It somewhat clashes with the astral vibe, but it also warms my human heart to whatever wintery community-oriented project this is. I also appreciate the clientele who have decided to inhabit Covenhoven at 5pm on a Tuesday: two guys who look like they might play a card game, a date, a British dad and his young daughter who is dressed in a “divine intervention” outfit complete with rainboots and a tutu skirt. I don’t quite know what’s going on. I feel like I’ve been shot into space, and therefore perhaps Covenhoven has been perfectly curated.

The Bartender: Beer Master, poor guy. Without my glasses I am useless with a chalkboard menu. This kind fellow walks me through the sours on their menu, with a curt honesty that they’re not really his favorites. (Now I have a question for you folks: should we let people try beers before purchase? I recently had a very heated discussion with a friend about this very phenomenon. My friend was mostly aggravated about ice cream tasting spoons and their slaughter of the whimsy of ice cream ordering.) Thankfully for me, this bartender does allow for a taste which saves me from ordering a sour with lactose; using milk sugar in a sour can thicken it and give it a bit more of a smoothie consistency but it’s not my jam. 

The Drank: I settle on the Common Wealth Triple Berry, which is a little on the sweet side for me but I do think one pre-order taster is quite enough and sometimes you just get what you get and you don’t get upset. It’s a delicious deep purple color, filled to the brim of the wide goblet, and I drink it seated across from the part of the mural that looks like a terrible alien first date between an invested hammerhead-type and a basically-asleep bulbous big slug. I’m so enjoying narrativizing the mural that I order the Citizen Cider on tap for my second drink. Tried and true, no sample necessary.

Was I Hit On?: Sure not! To be honest, I’m only low-level perceived, and this is absolutely fine with me. I don’t find much sexual energy in this bar, which is nice since many bars are all sconces and make-out nooks. As I close out, I stumble upon the hidden gem of Covenhoven…build your own cheese board. Maybe there is love in this club.

Should You Drink Here Alone?: Why not! Covenhoven is a place to bring your kid, your book, or your best alien bud. Grab a beer, make a snowflake, find your mural extraterrestrial and have some fromage. Also, just say Covenhoven 3 times fast…you can’t help but smile.

Nora Kaye is a Brooklyn-based filmmaker, writer, and performer, passionate about telling comedic stories about the messiness of humanity. She recently fell in love with sours after a lifetime of being a "cider gal.” Growth: it can happen, in mysterious and glutenous ways. norakaye.com